Average Gamer's Tips to Game Studios: First Impressions.

Any gamer, when they first get a game they think or know is good, wants to enjoy the game.

First impressions count, and many, many, many games make bad to very bad first impressions.
The solutions? Very simple to implement with little cost to you!

And to help, here's a few tips on making a good impression every time a gamer uses their purchase.
(Trust me, you keep them liking the product, they'll come back for more!)

Beginning with funny and/or mood setting intros: GOOD!
This amuses people and/or sends tingles up their spine, stands hairs on the back of their necks in a good way!
Game example: "Sam and Max Hit The Road" 
The short musical credit sequence even leads to one of the first gag lines after it ends:
"That was a pleasantly understated credit sequence."

Quick game startups: GOOD!
Lack of legal crap and logos is a GREAT thing! If the gamer is even slightly interested, make a "Credits And Logos" entry in the menu. Nine times out of ten, gamers ignore these intro screens completely.
Game example: "Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock"
There are so many logos to chew through, you'll need jaw surgery.

Slow startups: BAD!
Impatient gamers are annoyed/irate/frustrated gamers, and this seeps into the like or dislike of a title and the company that made it!
Game example: [Any games with long load times and lots of legal and logo screens.]

Annoying and/or repetitive startups: BAD!
"Kill it with fire!" yell the annoyed. "Oh shit, my HDTV!" cry the shocked who threw their controller at the TV in anger, shattering the screen.
Game example: Any game with one or more of the following: 
- Loud/irritating intros (You really thought we'd like it the Nth time?)
- Company logo overload (The box tells us you did this! QUIT telling us!)
- Long load times (I could go for a drink, go to the bathroom and take a holiday by the time this is ready!)
- Unskippable cutscenes (X...Y...A...B...triggers...[]...^...O...JUST SKIP ALREADY!)

Pages and pages of logos and legal crap: BAAAAAD!
You can't use ONE combined page for EVERYONE/EVERYTHING?!
This is the age of decently big HDTVs not tiny SDTVs!
(Even those owning SDTVs now have the big screen models!)
Game example: [Many of the games where multiple companies join forces. One to make the game, one to make the boxes, one to make the graphics engine, one to distribute...you get the idea.]

Take this advice if you want to make gamers love your work and not get irritated with your products and company name from the start.

Just look at Rockstar. Very short intros, and their credits set the tone for the game.
(Like say, GTA Vice City. The music and mock Commodore 64 credit screen made the logos FUN and set the 80s mood. This was furthered by the Miami Vice style credit sequence for the design team.)

Or RARE. Their intros since Donkey Kong Country have amused, brought smiles/grins and sparked nostalgia from being colourful and not just showing off.

Or (90s) Lucasarts. Their logo did something different every single time, and one of the fun parts of getting the Lucasarts adventure games in the 1990s was seeing what insane things the logo would do next.
(The trend has sort of been brought over to new titles like The Force Unleashed, but it lacks a little of the warmth it once had, like the tradition isn't for fun anymore but just to drag old fans in.)

Or Bioware. They proudly show off their logo, then jump right into the title screen.

(There are more factors than just that behind their success, but this is one of them.)

Or Valve Software.
(The Half-Life series for example. One or two screens, then game menu! At most an intro video to add to this - see Left 4 Dead - but that sets the mood for that game's zombie survival gameplay.)

All you need is a great start, and you'll reel us into playing.

The next step, an amazing game, well...

This, my developer friends, is up to you.

Shorts: Would you like fries with--oh wait, PIZZA place!

 Okay, I know working at a Pizza place is hard, but when you try entering 32 as the month for a VISA card and call the owner to figure out why you're getting error messages, you REALLY need a break.

The Rename Game

Ah, renamed movies.

We're all familiar with at least one. The best known one among horror fans at least: BRAINDEAD.
Renamed as Dead Alive in the U.S, it was harmless enough, but prompted much head scratching in the Australasia region.

 

 Same movie, changed titles. Why? 

Why rename it? Was Brain Dead not obvious enough? Did we really need to hammer it home by simplifying a simple title?

"Hey Jeff, want to see "Brain Dead"?"
"Is that a new comedy?"
"Not sure. Let's see Hostel instead. That title sounds like a European road trip movie!"

But it gets even more ridiculous from here.

To get the elephant in the room out of the way, yes, the U.S had Mad Max 2 titled "The Road Warrior" when it's actually called Mad Max 2. And the re-dubbed Mad Max accents sucked. Mistakes made. Moving on!

 

 Differences? Only visually. On the posters. 

Four Christmases right? WRONG! Four Holidays. Holidays? Wait...presents...pine tree...stockings...oh yeah, because everyone brings THOSE on vacations....

 

 CHRISTMASES Holidays! Really! See the gift boxes suitcases? 

Ice Cube in XXX : State of the Union. Nope! The Suits in charge decided that no-one outside of the U.S paid attention to what a State of the Union address was, despite the film having one, so they renamed it.

 

 Oh the stupidity... 

XXX 2: The Next Level. The hell? When did this become a video game?! Next thing you know Ice Cube'll be stealing cars and blowing up city blocks randomly with an R.P.G, taking the cash from the collaterally damaged.

American Wedding? Again, changed. They decided that the wedding suits and the bride in the poster were obvious enough, but thought no-one would know who the hell these people were. End result?

       

 NO, REALLY?! They're from THAT series?! 

American Pie: The Wedding. Feeling insulted by the simplification yet? I know I am.
(They even increased the size of the supporting cast for the benefit of the retarded foreigners.)

Shrek The Final Chapter becomes...

 

   No Sh[REK], really?  

...Shrek Forever After. We know what the phrase FINAL CHAPTER means you Armani Suited dullards!

Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson's The Rundown? Here's the Suits showing their intelligence:

 

 Oh for ROCK's sake... 

Welcome To The Jungle. Uh...Suits? You just renamed the movie after looking at the soundtrack for a second, didn't you?
(And the world DOES know what a rundown is. The new name comes off as cheesy, not to mention treating us like idiots. "LOOK! It's in a JUN-gle! JUN-gle!")

Oh but the best one is the Batman one. Batman Beyond, a brilliant animated series, was renamed with a real head-desker.

Batman Beyond becomes...

 

  I swear this isn't Photoshopped. 

...Batman of the Future.

Let that sink in.
And no, it's not just Germany and the rest of Europe. As proof, I offer the cover to the Playstation game!

A show, based in the future, with flying vehicles, technology use is rampant, Bruce Wayne is a grey haired grumpy old fart, and Alfred is likely dead.

Nooo, it MUST be present day Batman, surely. See? Bruce suits up and...



...oh wait, the villain handed Bruce's arse to him, and no, it's not Bane.
(Inque to be precise.)

Anyone who watches Batman Beyond and thinks it's based in a modern day setting needs to sign up for the short bus.

That was just a handful of renamed movies, the ones I could find at least. Here's hoping there's none left to be found, but hey. This IS Hollywood we're talking about.

Am I alone in thinking we all want to be treated like we're smart until proven stupid, and not the other way around?

Questions and comments below!
(And if you know more badly renamed movies, let me know about them and I'll do a follow up!)